Love Sick
by RedRosey18
Summary: Unrequited love is a funny thing. Especially when you're small, weak and shy but more importantly when the one you love can read you like an open book.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my new story, I hope everyone likes it. **

Notes - I have read a lot of fanfiction were Hiruma swears ALL the time and it's really annoyed me so I'm not putting it in. if that bugs you, you can put it in through your mind. I hope you like my story.

The day had been grueling and hard but that wasn't going to be stopping me because I still had football practice, the one place I felt like I truly belonged. I still was picked on during the day, though it wasn't as bad as before, once I was in that messy clubhouse I became Eyeshield 21 and nothing else mattered. I was strong and nothing could hurt me anymore. I was finally unafraid.

It had been getting harder, week after week to feel like that and that was the fault of one person. The person who brought me here, who made me feel safe, who gave me a once and a life time opportunity - Hiruma.

Every time I saw him I could feel my heart leap out of my chest and my breathing would go ecstatic, to the point you would think I was hyperventilating. I knew, just knew that Hiruma could see through me. He always could read me, well everyone like an open book. It was my biggest fear that he would find out, find out that whenever I looked into those demonic green eyes my heart would falter and every time he smirked at me heat would rise to my face. I was terrified that he would find out I had the biggest crush on him.

Would he throw me out of the club? Would I never be able to play football again? Would he use it to blackmail me in some way? Or more importantly, would he hate me? Be disgusted with me? Look at me with those Beautiful, hypnotic eyes with so much vile disregarded and then reject me with an icy voice?

With so much confusion and fear about his one thing I couldn't feel like the club was still my sanctuary anymore. I dread going, he would know soon. I was horrible at lying and Hiruma was smart enough to figure it out. No one would ever call him slow. He could spot a love sick puppy from a mile away; I had seen him do it before.

That was what I was, love sick. It was ridicules. Who in their right mind would fall for that bulling, blackmailing, jerk of a demon but I did. I couldn't help it. As I got to know him better, the more I saw of what was underneath that cold, men person the more I fell.

It hurt; it hurt a lot knowing that he would never feel the same about me. It hurt knowing that no matter how hard I try I was always going to be either that 'damn chibi' or star running back Eyeshield 21. My insides gave a sharp squeeze every time I thought about it so I tried not to but every once in awhile it would pop up. Usually when I'm trying to sleep. It would come up before I could even think to stop it. The tears would come through my tightly shut eyes even as I begged for them not to. They would fall all over themselves as they went down my cheeks and stained my pillow. When I did end up being able to sleep it haunted my dreams.

The nightmare was always the same, me standing before the feet of Hiruma and him just laughing as if he heard the funniest joke in the world. Then his voice as cold as ice but still with a hint of maliced humor would say

"Me, love you? What a joke. Who could love someone as pathetic as you?"

And then he would walk away, not even looking back once to see if I was alright. The words would ring in my head as if being played on a recording but it was true. I was pathetic and I knew he would never love me back.

Shaking my head to rid all thoughts as I approached the locker rooms, I knew he would figure it out soon but there was no need to be sporting it on my face like it was old news. The locker rooms were clean, though most wouldn't expect it but it was because of Mamori, and I was thankful. There were a couple of the boys still in here changing. I didn't like changing in front of people because I was so small compare to them; especially Kurita, one good push from him and I would be tumbling onto all fours.

I waited until everyone left to begin changing. Half way through, meaning I had on my pants but no shirt, the door opened. Shrieking like a girl I wrapped my arms around my wiry and bruised, from the bullies and football, frame. Looking over my shoulder I saw Hiruma starring at me and I felt my ears go red from embarrassment from both the shriek and being half naked. I quickly turned my head back so he couldn't see my blush.

I heard a chuckle and knew it was too late. He already saw my flaming face. I wasn't worried because if asked I could play it off as if I was embarrassed to be caught with my shirt off. I was sensitive so it was believable even with my horrible lying ability.

"What is it?" I asked as I scrambled to but my shirt on.

"Just coming to see what was taking you so long, you damn chibi" Hiruma replied

There it was, that name I will forever be called. I could feel my heart give a sharp and painful squeeze. I took a deep breath to steady myself before turning around to show I was ready to go. Hiruma left first and I followed, when would ever not follow. We walked to the field together and I could feel my face go hot again with the realization that we were only a few feet away from each other.

"Go run around the school 10 times as a warm up" Hiruma told me as he called everyone to him so that they could start another drill.

I did what I was told without question. It was a surprise to be told to do only 10; usually I was order to do more. Maybe he wanted me back sooner. The blush crept up my cheeks again even though I didn't mean it in the way, that he would want me...like that but just the fact that he needed me made my heart feel like it was on cloud fifteen. Up and above cloud nine. I knew it would only end in heartbreak but for right now I tried not to think of that and just let myself have this moment. I nearly flew through all my warm ups and thankfully was able to shake the dreaminess away before I had to face Hiruma again. I didn't want to give him any more clues then I had to.

"There you are, took you long enough. They have been order to do the drills involving foot work. So get in there cause heaven knows that you need all the help you can get, you damn chibi" he snarled out in his normal way

That last comment strung a little but I tried not to show it as I went to work with the others. As I was running toward the others it was like a light bulb went on in my head. Maybe if I worked really hard and got a lot better at football Hiruma would notice me more. Then the more he noticed me, the more he might began to see me in a different light. He might see me as something other than a brat or pathetic or weak. It was worth a try. So with renewed determination I threw myself into the training.

I came early to every practice and stayed late after everyone was gone, going over the same drills again and again. I did them until I was sure I could do them perfectly in my sleep. I got up early in the morning to run hours before school. I watch my food intake so that I would have enough to keep me going through the long days. I pushed myself over and over with only one thought on my mind - Hiruma . This was all for him, I wanted him to look at me and only me. Even though I didn't want to I knew I was slowing down and that angered me. It showed me how weak my body really was.

The nightmares had been becoming more frequent and now after it had woke me up I couldn't get back to sleep. My appetite kept dropping and though I knew I wasn't eating the right amount for how much I was working out I thought I was doing okay with everything considered. I avoided Hiruma all together, until I was better I couldn't face him. Now that I knew the depth of how weak and pathetic I was, I couldn't face him. I couldn't do anything. I needed to be strong. If I thought those things about myself how much more would Hiruma .

So I worked myself to the bone, not letting up for even a moment. The weekends didn't matter, friends didn't matter, and school didn't matter. The only thing that did matter was Hiruma liking me. It wasn't until Sunday that I looked at myself in the mirror. I was almost made myself ill with what I saw. The bags under my eyes dark, my face pale and skinny, my hair flat and without its normal shine but more than anything my eyes seemed lifeless, dead. I turned away, disgusted with myself to the point that I couldn't look anymore.

Turning on the shower to hot, I stepped in. The hot water seemed to turn everything in to ashes, even though I knew that when I got back out those eyes would still be there to haunt me. When the water started to go cold I got out. The mirror was fogged up so I didn't have to see the horrid sight that was myself. I needed more, more of what I didn't know but more of something. I would strive for it and when I got it I could finally go to Hiruma and he would see me in a new light.

That was all I was asking for, was that too much. I crawled into bed, even though I had no intention of sleeping it was late and it would be good to let my muscles relax a little before my morning run in a couple hours. I wonder if Hiruma had noticed a change during practice. I was sure I was getting better and I hoped that made him proud. With a slight smile on my face, I drifted into a slight doz.

_We were in practice, Hiruma was shooting orders at us from the sideline, telling us everything that we were doing wrong and how to correct it. I thought I was doing really well, all those extra practices were doing me good and I was so happy. The whistle blew telling practice was over. Everyone began to go to the locker rooms but I knew that I was going to practice some more so I didn't move. I was just half way through the ladder drill when Hiruma called me out,_

_"Hey chibi, come here. I want to talk to you"_

_I nodded and came over to him. He led me back into the lockers and to his private captain room. I fidget with the hem of my shirt, worried about what this could be._

_"Sit down," Hiruma said after a few minutes of me just standing in the middle of the room_

_I did not need to be told twice, I sat down in the chair across from the desk that Hiruma took a seat behind. I felt like I was a little kid that had been sent to the principal's office, not that I had ever been sent there but if I had been I'd imagine that it would be like this. I waited for Hiruma to speak as I did not want to be scolded for talking out of turn._

_"So chibi, you want to tell me what has been going on?" Hiruma asked and he must have seen the confused look on my face because he began to explain_

_"You have been ignoring me, your friends, and have been spending all your time practicing. I have Mamori yelling my ear off like it's somehow my fault that you suddenly took an interest in learning how to play football. So explain!" he said in a half threatening voice that told you he meant serous business_

_I swallowed nervously and my hands began to sweat as I wrung them together. This was not good, I couldn't tell him the truth. I was terrified he was going to smell the truth off of me like some bloodhound._

_"I, uh, just want to get better. I can't expect to beat people like Shin if I'm doing a half-hearted job in training."_

_It sounded phony even to me own ears. It would have been a good excuse if I didn't sound so nervous and freaked out. Hiruma stood and slammed his hands onto the desk in front of me. The sound made me jump._

_"That's not it, I can tell your lying to me. I hate liars. Tell me the truth!" he shouted _

_As he was talking he walked around the desk and put his hands on the arm rest on either side of me. He leaned in closer and closer to me. I could feel the steady pounding of my heart began to race and a red hot blush spread across my face as those dark green eyes tortured me. Suddenly he moved away and a malice full smirk spread across his face_

_"Oh, I get it. It's because you like me, maybe even love me"_

_It was spoken in such a cynical voice that it made me shiver, I knew whatever came next was not going to be good and wanted to runaway but somehow my body was refusing to listen to me. It felt as heavy as lead. He started laughing at me and my face blazed in shame._

_"Hahaha, that's to funny and so very __**disgusting," **__Hiruma said that last word with so much vile hatred that it had tears springing to my eyes_

_"I hate people like you, weak and pathetic yet still hoping to get what they want. It makes me sick to even think about it. Get out of my face, and don't ever let me catch you in my sight again."_

_It was that voice again, cold as ice with maliced hatred. I must not have moved quick enough because Hiruma's hand shot out of nowhere and hit me. I went flying back into the wall next to the door. My hand flew up to my stinging cheek as the tears poured out of my eyes as I stared at Hiruma. I saw him open his mouth to say something but I didn't want to hear anymore of his rage filled words. Finally being able to make my body move I ran out of there._

_I ran faster than I had ever done but it wasn't fast enough because I could still hear the ringing of Hiruma's wicked laughter._

With a jolt I awoke from the terrible dream. Sweat poured off me like water and my heart was still racing. I felt sick, Hiruma's words rung through my head and I couldn't think of anything else. The worst part was that I knew that it was true, it hurt but the truth rarely didn't hurt. That was why it was so hard to hear.

Curling my legs up and in to myself. I set my arms on them and then my head on my arms as I began to cry. The tears poured out of me as if they were blood and the sobs raked my body over and over again. The loud wailing sound was pathetic even to my ears so I could imagine what others would have thought if they hear me. I cried to myself until there was nothing left. I stayed in that position, my body just trembling as I rocked back and forth, until my alarm rung signaling it was time to get up for my run.

**R and R**

**Thanks to everyone reading, if you have any questions or thoughts or advice I would be more than happy to answer, listen to, or take to heart so pm me!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2, hope you enjoy it

The days got longer and longer. My body hurt more and more everyday and even with the thought of Hiruma I couldn't seem to have the drive that I had in the beginning. It wasn't just that I was physically tired I was also mentally tired. I wish I had someone to talk to, but no one could be trusted.

Mamori had tried to approach me many times but I avoided her at all cost and when she would catch up to me to ask what was wrong I would literally run the opposite way. Monta tired too but he got much the same result. I knew it was hurting them but I also knew that they would try to stop me if they could catch me.

The worst part of it all was not being able to see Hiruma. Before I started this 'Get Hiruma to see me differently' drive there would be times when we would sit in the club- house together. Him on his laptop and me reading or just starring at the ceiling, those where the times I lived for. I miss things like that but every time I would see an opening I couldn't bring myself to go sit down. I wasn't worthy to be around him.

Even though I was avoiding him like the pelage it did nothing to stop me from thinking about him. In fact the only thing I really ever thought about was him. His dark green eyes, his evil smirk, his blond hair, his big hands, I could go on forever. It made it harder. The only good thing is that because I have been so tired the nightmares have stayed away.

My grades have been slipping so the teacher had asked me to stay behind. Five minutes later I was walking down the hall and to my next class. The teacher wanted to talk about what I expected - my grades. She just asked what happened because I had always been as honor student with straight A's and now I wasn't. I told her I would try to do better. I wasn't watching were I was going and I ran right into someone. This caused me to go fling to the floor and the other person papers to follow me.

"I'm so sorry"

I didn't want to look up in fear it was one of my many bullies that I had managed to avoid so far. I scrambled to pick up the papers and when I looked up to hand them back I saw it was someone much worse than then any of my bullies.

Hiruma

He took the papers as I started stuttering. Those beautiful green eyes snapped up to mine and an eyebrow quirked. I stopped trying to speak at once; instead my face turned a deep hot crimson red. I bowed deeply and took off before he could say a thing.

Stupid, I was so stupid. If he didn't know before then he defiantly knew now. I bet it was written all over my face. How was I going to face him now? Even if I was successful in reaching my goal it meant nothing if I couldn't face him.

I'm sure my face was red all day from my embarrassment. I didn't want to go to practice but I knew if I didn't Hiruma would find me and drag me back. That would be more embarrassing then anything. I was a little late because another teacher wanted to talk to me about a test score. The lockers were empty so I quickly changed and raced out to everyone else. I didn't want to get scolded for being really late. If it was a couple minutes it would be fine but anymore then that would not be good.

We were working on tackling today which I thought was stupid for me because I really can't take anyone down. That was the order from Hiruma and I wasn't going to try to get out of it. We worked on it for the whole time. The Whistle was blown singling the end of practice. Everyone began to leave but I didn't move because I knew I was going to stay late to practice more.

I was working on the foot work for one of the new plays Hiruma showed us a couple days ago when Hiruma called out to me.

"Hey chibi, come here. I want to talk to you"

I nodded and came over to him. He led me back into the lockers and to his private captain room. I had a strange sense of da-ja-vu but ignored it. I fidget with the hem of my shirt, worried about what this could be.

"Sit down," Hiruma said after a few minutes of me just standing in the middle of the room

I did not need to be told twice, I sat down in the chair across from the desk that Hiruma took a seat behind. As I waited for Hiruma to speak, as I did not want to be scolded for talking out of turn, I noticed that his room wasn't very decorated. I decided to focus on that instead of the fact that Hiruma was only **3 **feet away and we were alone. The only thing on the wall was one of those stupid cat posters that said 'hang in there' and on the desk there was a Tigger mug with high lighters in it. I wonder why he didn't do more, it was his own space.

"So chibi, you want to tell me what has been going on?" Hiruma began and he must have seen the confused look on my face because he began to explain

"You have been ignoring me, your friends, and have been spending all your time practicing. I have Mamori yelling my ear off like it's somehow my fault that you're ignoring her. So you must have a good explanation that you're just dying to tell me." he said in a half threatening voice that told you he meant serous business

That feeling of da-ja-vu came back and it hit me like a bag of bricks as I realized what this was like. It was just like my dream. My worst fears were going to come true. He was going figure it out just like before and then kick me to the curb like a dog. I wasn't ready; I wasn't good enough, yet. Tears swelled in my eyes but I swallowed them down and tried to speak.

"I, uh, just want to get better. I can't expect to beat people like Shin if I'm doing a half-hearted job in training."

I nearly winced at how phony it sounded.

Hiruma stood and slammed his hands onto the desk in front of me. The sound made me jump.

_"_That's not it, I can tell your lying to me. I hate liars. Tell me the truth!" he shouted

It was happening all over again. My eyes slammed shut in recognition, it was right after he said that in my dream that he figured it out. No, no I couldn't bare it if he rejected me. He had become my life; he had become my everything, to the point of obsession. I couldn't handle it. No, please don't make me hear those words again. 'Please don't' I begged in my head

A ruff hand descended on my cheek and I flinched. Would he hit me?

"Hey, are you okay. Please don't...what?" Hiruma asked in a much softer voice then before

My eyes snapped open in surprise and it was then I relished I was crying. The soft as petal tears fell down my face in disarray. It took a moment but then I also realized I had spoken my silent plea out loud. Now completely embarrassed and upset I couldn't make my voice work with all the emotions I was feeling but I didn't have to. The most horrible thing came into those amazing green eyes. One thing that destroyed me completely.

Recognition

More tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at his speechless face. I knew it was over. I didn't wait to hear those words; I didn't wait to hear that maliced laughter. I took off like a bat out of hell because I really was trying to escape the hell that those words would create for me. I could hear the door bang against the wall with the force that I moved it out of the way. I heard a few faint 'waits' but I was already too far gone. Nothing could stop me now as the weight of all that I had been avoiding crushed me.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, I could feel anything but the overwhelming pain. I stopped only for a moment to violently throw up all the food I had managed to make myself to eat. When there was nothing left to give, my chest heaved and my throat burned. The tears never stopped even though I was sure with how much I had been crying that they should be empty. I didn't wait to even think before I took off again. My lungs burned but I didn't stop, nothing could make me stop now.

I wasn't sure how long I had run for but by the time that I felt okay enough to be able to allow myself to think again it was night time. I went to my empty house; my parents were out of town working. I didn't know what I was going to do. I was so tired that I couldn't think properly, I didn't want to think. I didn't want to do anything but fall on my bed and sleep for a very long time.

And that's just what I did.

When I woke up the next day I was surprised to see that it was past noon. I still need to figure out what to do with everything. My chest burned in searing pain and I had to force myself to concentrate. I couldn't see Hiruma again, forget about school. I was so in love with him that if I had to go to school and see that disgusted look in his eyes every day, every time I saw him. I wouldn't be able to live with the pain.

There was only one option left, to leave.

To leave the school, to leave this town, to leave Hiruma.

I could do it. I would much prefer to leave then I would to see that look in his eyes even once. I had the option to, my aunt had wanted me to come live with her because my parents were never here and she thought a child needed an authoritative figure. Up until now I had discarded it as something I would never use but now it was looking like a little piece of heaven.

I would call me parents tomorrow and tell them my decision. Then would call my Aunt, I bet she will be happy but right now all I wanted was to sleep. It was the only thing I seemed to want. I took a quick 5 minute shower and pulled on my pj's. Crawling into bed I couldn't help but replay the scene of what happened in that room again and again. My chest squeezed tighter and tighter until it was nearly chocking me with pain. I cried and cried until my tears ducks went dry. When I was sure I had nothing left I forced myself into a, for now, dreamless sleep.

The sun coming in through my open blinds that I forgot to close woke me up. A deep seated tiredness filled me as I struggled to get up. My head and body felt like someone had taken a metal bat to it, my eyes were puffy and red were the rest of me was as pale as a ghost. It took me forever to do the simplest tasks, like brushing my teeth and getting dressed. I could hardly move but I was just thankful that I couldn't cry anymore because I was sure if I could I would be.

That wasn't the worst, the worst was my heart. It burned as if someone had stabbed me with a knife and kept turning it for their own sick amusement.

Now that I was somewhat presentable, it was time to make those calls that would change everything for me. It took me a moment to find my phone as I never really used it before unless it was in emergencies. Flipping open the phone I saw I had 10 missed calls and three voice mails. Checking the calling list I saw that I had 2 from my parents, 3 from Mamori and 5 from Hiruma. 'I bet he just wanted to rub my childish affections in my face' was my bitter thought. Dialing my voice mail I put it on speaker as I began to clean my really messy room

"Hey honey, I just wanted to call and tell you that we will be a little later than planned because the business company we where meeting with couldn't come to a compromise. So call me back so we can talk." Mom's voice rang through the silence as the first voice of the day. I pressed the mark for deletion before moving on to the next one

"Hey Sena, its Mamori. I know that you don't use your phone very much but I have been really worried and I can't seem to catch you at school. Please call me back so we can talk." Mamori voice came out as a surprise. I must have really worried her for her to go this far. I marked it for deletion and made a note to call her back.

The last message was the most surprising of them all. It shocked me into a state of panic. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. It was like all the air had been sucked out of the room. It was intoxicating and it was only 2 words

"Call me"

Short, sweet and to the point. No name, no greeting, no beating around the bush but I didn't need that. I clearly knew who it was as I would recognize that voice anywhere, Hiruma. I wonder what he could possibly want but I wasn't brave enough to actually find out. I marked the message as saved, hoping that maybe when I was far away I might be brave enough to call. Getting back to my original purposes I, almost numbly, typed in my parent's number. With every ring of the phone I began to shake more and more. I didn't know if it was from fear or anticipation or just the fact that this one thing would change everything.

"Hey honey, I'm glad that you got my message and called back" Mom said as she picked up the phone.

"Hey, yea I got your message but that wasn't what I was calling about." I said in a strange detached voice, I would almost call it cold.

"Are you alright? You sound kind of...off."

I nearly laughed at how ridicules that question were. How was I supposed to answer? No, I just got my heart ripped out and trampled all over by the only person vie ever will loved but I'm fine so don't worry about it. I couldn't say that, it was so ironic and bitter and sad it made me want to cry and laugh at the same time. Maybe I was really going insane.

"I'm fine mother, thank you for asking. I was calling to tell you I made a decision about what Aunt Mary said"

"Oh yea, and what's that?"

I could tell that something was going on were ever she was because she was becoming distracted and was paying less attention to what I was saying. I decided I was going to do it like pulling off a band aid, short and fast.

"I decided to go live with her."

There was a long pause and I knew that I had gotten her attention now. Whatever was happening now becoming irrelevant as I shocked and surprised my mother by doing something completely out of character.

"Well if that's what you want, it's really big change" her voice had become snippy signaling how unhappy she was about this, England was really far away

"It is." I replied instantly without hesitating

"Okay, me and your father will arrange it. Pack your bags, you'll be leaving soon"

"Thank you, mother."

"I have to leave now; I can see my clients walking up. Bye"

I didn't even have a chance to say bye back before there was a click and the phone started beeping at me

Sighing I set the phone down. Mother was not happy about this; she didn't agree that children need hard discipline and someone always there. Quite the opposite, she believed if there was always someone hovering over you that a child couldn't spread its wings completely and learn how to fly. Her and her sister couldn't be more different. They hated each other and couldn't be in the same room together. I knew it would be hard and choose to do it anyway. Getting on with the next part, I called Aunt Mary. After two rings she picked up

"This is Mary, who may I be speaking to?" she asked

"Hey Aunt Mary, I was just calling to tell you that I decided to come live with you."

"Oh, how fantastic. I knew you would come to your senses and choose to come live with me. Have you told your mother?"

"Yes, I have. Her and father are making the appropriate arrangements right now."

"Wonderful, I'll make sure your room is prepared for you. When can I expect you?"

"Two days, Friday"

"Wonderful, I'll see you then"

With a click she had hung up before I could say anything. Maybe mom and Aunt Mary where more alike than I thought. Living with Aunt Mary would be a big change, for one she was rich and lived in a high end house. The other was that she still believed in what would be called 'old century manors.' she believed younger ones should bow to their elders and always be respectful, she believed that one should always act with dignity and pride. It would be hard to change from this carefree life style to something like royalty but I would do it as long as I didn't have to see my nightmares become reality.

Well I had the phone I decided to call Mamori. I really did feel bad about everything that I had put her through and if anyone deserved to hear about my decision it would be Mamori. She had taken good care of me and had always stood up for me. She was the best friend I could ever have. I dialed her number and waited for her to pick up. She picked up on the third ring; I was worried she wouldn't because she was at school

"Sena, thank god you called. I was so worried" she screeched into my ear

"Yea, sorry. I'm calling now." I winced when she sighed

"We're all really worried about you, why didn't you come to school?"

"About that" I took a deep breath and decided to do it fast "remember how my aunt had offered for me to come live with her and I hadn't given her a replied yet?"

"Yea" she said suspiciously, probably wondering what this was about

"Well I decided to take her up on her offer. I'm moving in two days, I just wanted to let you know because you're such a good friend and I don't want you to worry anymore"

There was only silence to answer me and I started to get nervous. The silence stretched for minutes before it was broken

"I won't ask why you suddenly decided to move away but I will ask is this really what you want?"

"Yes" I said without hesitation because I knew if there was any Mamori would know and talk me out of going

"Okay, I'm going to come over after school so we can hang out, okay?"

"Yea, I'll see you then"

"See you" her voice cracked and I winced as she hung up, I knew it was going to be hard but it still hurt to see someone so strong cry because of something you said.

I began packing up my room. I found some boxes out in the garage and the tape in the office. It didn't take me very long because I truly didn't have a lot of stuff. I wasn't one to have toys or posters on my wall. The only thing left in the room was the furniture, a couple of outfits for the next couple days and a picture. I picked up the picture

I hadn't decided if I was going to take it with me yet.

It was picture was of the team. It was the first time that we had a full team, a full good team. Mamori was the one to suggest the picture and everyone agreed. Since I was the shortest I was right in the middle with everyone around me. Of course I was in my Eyeshield helmet se you could tell but that wasn't what was so special about it. What made it was the blonde in the corner. You could almost miss him but there he is. He's not looking at the camera but is instead in the middle of rolling his eyes. It was so him and it made me love him even more

Suddenly the picture dropped from my shaky hands, the photo fell and on contact with the hard wood floor shattered. My body shook and tears fell like a water fall. The pure agony raked at my insides as if it was a bird trying to claw its way out of my chest. I felt like screaming. I fell to my knees, barely registering the glass pierced through my skin. My hands came to my face as I sobbed uncontrollably. It wasn't fair, how could I love him so much and yet him not feel a single thing for me. No, he did feel something for me - disgust, hatred, and bitter regret for bring me into his world.

And maybe it was fair. What had I ever done in my life to be worthy of someone like Hiruma, nothing. I didn't deserve anything. I was pathetic and by breathing I was wasting valuable oxygen. Maybe I should do what those bullies keep telling me to do; it would be the easiest way out, eternal peace.

Could I really do it?

Yes, that was the simple answer. I could stop everything, everyone would be happy and I would stop my nightmares from coming true. Isn't that all I want, to make it stop, to not have to face Hiruma ever again, to have silence. Yes

With shaky hands I picked up one of the bigger shards of glass with blurry eyes. I didn't bother looking at it. I pulled it up to my wrist, without you by three days grace ran through my mind and I spoke the words in a whisper as my eyes blurred ever more with tears

What if I walked without you?

What if I ran without you?

What if I stand without you?

I could not go on

What if I lived without you?

What if I loved without you?

What if I died without?

I just could not go on

You left my side tonight

And I just don't feel right

But I can't let you out of sight

Without you I'm no one,

I'm nothing at all without you

I closed my eyes and my hand moved to bring the blade down

The door bell rung and it nearly scared me half to death. I dropped the glass as the bell rang again. I rubbed my face on my clothes as an attempt to make me look presentable. I ran to open the door to find Mamori standing there. I completely forgot that she was coming over to hang out before I left.

"Hey" I said with fake cheerfulness

"Hey" she paused "you idiot your legs are bleeding. What did you do?" She ushered me in and sat me on the couch

Looking down my knees were in fact bleeding but I didn't feel any pain. I tried to remember when that happened then I remembered the picture falling, I chocked on a sob as it hit me like a cup of cold water. I tried to force it down. I couldn't let Mamori see me like this. I managed to get it down by the time see came back with the first aid kit.

"I dropped a picture frame and the glasses shattered. I was trying to pick it up when you rang. It startled me so much I moved my knees forward and cut myself." she nodded sympathetically as she began to bandage the wounds

"I thought you looked like you were crying but that must have been from cutting yourself"

I didn't correct her; let her think what she wants to. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. When she was done, she put in a movie she brought a movie called Dumb and Dumber. One of my favorite. It's funny every time you watch it. I made popcorn and we had a lot of fun, making jokes and commenting on the movie. I actually laughed and that surprised me but I guess it shouldn't. Mamori always made me feel better. After it was over Mamori got ready to leave.

"Hey, Hiruma was wondering why you were today. Do you want me to tell him you're leaving?" She asked as she put on her shoes, I froze

"No, please don't tell them anything until I'm gone." I half begged, I didn't want anyone to know. It would only make things harder.

"Okay, I promise. Call me before you leave and when you get there." she stood there in the hall way like she didn't want to leave

"I'm sorry again about not being able to come after school the next two days. School is so crazy" she stalled

"Its okay, I'll be okay. I'll call, goodbye" I said back with a smile

She leaned forward and kissed me on the forehead. She turned away but I still saw it. The clear tears that glistened like fine jewels in the light slide down her face

"Goodbye" she said as she walked out and I felt bad for her

She didn't understand why I was doing and she never would. She was a girl there was nothing wrong with her liking Hiruma. She was a straight A student, Debate team captain, and holder of all the school festivals. She was worthy, she was pretty and I was none of those. It wasn't her fault. No, on the contrary it was mine.

I pulled myself to my room dead tired. As I climber into bed I noticed that Mamori had cleaned the glass of the broken frame. She was really too good to me. I wonder if she will ever figure it out.

As two tears slide out of my closed eyes I fell asleep.

**Pleas R and R**

**Thank you to my two reviewers as it has made my day, and a special thanks to ****rexroy101. **

**If anyone has any question or advice please feel free to contact me**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3, enjoy**

When I woke up I felt strange, I felt cold, like something was missing right were my heart should be and it hurt. It hurt but not in that burning, tearing agony way. It hurt in a soul wrenching, deep down into my bones way. I shivered as I stayed in bed, having no reason or want to get up. I was in a half dozing state when the door bell rung. I couldn't imagine who it would be so I left it.

I would have continued like I was if the door bell hadn't kept ringing again and again and again. Then the knocking started, finally pissed off I ran down the stairs. I didn't care that I hadn't taken a shower in two days or that my breath smelled bad or that my clothes were too big, half hanging off and dirty. I flung open the door to tell off whoever it was but the words died on my lips at the sight of golden hair

Hirmura

Suddenly I was conscience of all those things, that I was more pathetic and dirty then usual and that my crush was **RIGHT **there. I was mortified, I reached up to try to pat my hair down but I knew it wouldn't help. If anything it would probably only draw Hirmura's attention more to it then help the state of it.

"Damn chibi, are you going to let me in?" Hirmura said in a very annoyed voice

Now frightened, I quickly moved the door farther open so he could come in. I was so shocked I couldn't feel anything; my thoughts were going a mile a minute. What was he doing here? Did Mamori tell him I was leaving? She promised she wouldn't, right? Was he here to say all those things he didn't get to say the other day?

The last question really knocked the air out of me and everything that I wished would go away crashed back on me. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. My crush, my love, Hiruma was starring at me and I just couldn't show him such a pathetic face again. Hirmura went and sat down, I took this chance to run to the kitchen and make some tea. I tried to slow my pounding heart well I was in there.

I could feel a panic attack coming on but I managed to push it back with the thought of Hiruma in the other room. I brought the tea to him but he didn't take it and neither did I. I was to nervous to talk, let alone drink something. Hirmura opened his mouth and I braced myself for the worst - yelling, screaming, harsh words.

"Are you okay, you haven't been in school for a couple days?"

"Uh, um, what?" I blinked in surprise

"Are you okay?" he said slowly as if I was an idiot

"I'm fine" I replied confused, were was everything else.

Hirmura sighed and leaned back with closed eyes. He seemed tired and I couldn't help but be worried. There were dark bags below his eyes and he didn't seem to have that demonic spark that I loved so much. His eyes opened and found mine.

"I also came so we could talk about what happened before"

I stiffened completely, my heart started beating a mile a minute and I could feel my face become red. I knew it was useless to hope he wouldn't bring it up but I did anyway. With shaking hands I stood up and rushed for the untouched tea

"This must have gotten cold by now ill warm it up"

My voice was shaking also, everything was shaking. I walked away quickly; I didn't want him to say anything else before I could make my escape.

"Wait" he said to me

The sound of his voice distracted me and I tripped on the edge where the carpet ended and the tile for the kitchen began. I went down like a sack of potatoes, the cups and tea pot broke. The glass came flying up and cut my arms. The burn made me want to cry but it wasn't only that. The cold tea soaked the carpet and my shirt. I lifted my arm to hide my eyes as the damn broke and the tears began to slide down my face. I felt someone behind me and then he put his hand on my back. I snapped, it was like the straw that broke the camel's back. I couldn't take it anymore.

"DONT TOUCH ME" I nearly screamed as I slapped his hand away without turning my face to him

"Are you okay?" he asked

"NO, I'm not okay. Do I look okay? Don't you get it, everything hurts like crazy and it's your entire fault. Everything would have been better if I had never met you; I wish I had never met you. It's all because of you that I have to deal with all this crap. I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!" I cried out as the hole in my chest ripped more and more open. I felt like I was suffocating. I didn't even know what I was saying anymore, I just wanted Hirmura to leave.

"Please, please, just go away" I begged with everything I had left

"Okay, I'm sorry."

I heard the door slam shut and it made fresh tears appear. I sobbed uncontrollably for I don't know how long. I didn't move from that position, I couldn't move. I couldn't believe I had said that to Hirmura cause the truth is that I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't met him. He taught me everything and without him I don't think I could go on. I didn't hate him, I could never hate him.

The shame and regret filled me. It hurt; it hurt more than anything I had ever felt before. I knew it was silly to feel this way, I had read about teenagers feeling this way in magazines and it always said that it got better once you moved on. Truth be told I didn't want to move on, I didn't want to spend one day without Hirmura by my side. I dint want to live one more day knowing that he hated and was disgusted by me. I didn't want to live but I couldn't be thinking like that, right? It had to get better, right?

It couldn't get any worse, so it had to get better after this...right?

With that thought I fell asleep right where I was, to worn out to move away.

When I awoke I felt terrible. My face was smashed in the carpet and now had a funny pattern on it. My eyes were puffy from my crying and my skin was all torn up from the glass that I had slept on. I wanted to slap myself, how could I just fall asleep like that, right on top of glasses? I should have cleaned it up right away so it wouldn't stain.

Everything with Hirmura yesterday came rushing back and I felt myself flush with shame. I couldn't believe that I said that to Hirmura. I hope he knew that I didn't mean it. I should apologies but I don't think I could face him. maybe I can give Mamoru a card or something and she could give it to Hirmura after I'm already gone but first things first I need to call mom and ask about the taxi to the airport, and then it was a **long **flight to England. Then just to get my bags by the door and clean up the house to perfection.

I called mom first so I would know what time I needed to be ready by. I dialed the number and only had to wait one ring, which was a surprise

"Hey honey, I was waiting for you to call"

"Hey mom"

"So the taxi will be there at 3:00. Make sure you drop your boxes at the post office so they can send them to England. Your tickets for the flight will be waiting for you when you get to the airport and don't worry about the money, we already paid for it"

"Cool, thanks mom" I was about to say bye when her voice brought me back

"Honey are you sure you want to do this?" she asked worried and for the first time I hesitated. I really thought about what the consequences would be for this.

"Yea, mom. I'm sure" I finally spoke and I was sure.

"Okay, I'll see you when I see you" she replied and then a click signaled the end of the line. I rolled my eyes because I was expecting it

Next I got my three small boxes out and put them by the door. I also took a small back pack with clothes so I would have something to wear well my clothes were being shipped. I didn't have much stuff but it still took me longer then I would like to emit to move the boxes. Who knew clothes where so heavy?

I spent the next two hours scrubbing the house from top to bottom. The carpet didn't stain to bad which I was happy about because Mother would have my head if it had. I also cleaned my now dried cuts but they weren't that bad so I wasn't worried. I got done around 1. After that I went to get ready to go because I smelled.

I really should eat to but I couldn't find it in myself to shove anything down my throat except some saltines. They tasted stale and gross but it was better than nothing. It worry me slightly that through I hadn't eaten in almost four days but I let it go, I could worry about it some other time. I texted Mamori about what time I was leaving and then got in the shower.

The water was hot, really hot, just how I like it but now with nothing to occupy my mind my thoughts wandered back to yesterday and then back to Monday. All the emotion flooded me again. I didn't want to cry anymore, I was done crying. Everything was going to get better. I would live with my aunt and I would forget about this fleeting love. Everything would be okay again and I would be able to smile without forcing it.

I knew this was for the best and it was just what I needed but why did it have to hurt so much?

Only when the water went cold did I get out. After getting dressed into the clothes I had left out I checked to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. It was a far trip back here from London if I did forget anything and it's not like I could ask someone to send it to me. After I made it to London I was going to cut off all connection with everyone here. I decided that well I was in the shower. It would hurt less like that. I would miss Marmori like crazy and I knew it would worry her but I could deal with her talking about _**Him. **_

I knew she had a crush on him no matter how much she said she hated him, I knew. I could see it, what the saying - only an addict can spot another addict. Those longing eyes that followed him, those arguments that they would get into and the unnecessary touching. I saw it and I didn't want to be around to have to congratulate her when they did get together. I didn't want to have to listen to her gush about how wonderful he was.

It was terrible selfish thing to do

I hated myself for doing this. No, I hated myself for a lot of reasons and none of them had anything to do with Mamori. The list was way too long and ironically I hated that to. I couldn't live like this. I need the change. I needed this and if I was going to do it, it might as well be done well. There was no point in doing it half-assed now. There was no turning back now.

Or at least that is what I convents myself of.

I heard the taxi honk from outside and I began to bring my stuff to the driver. It wasn't too much but still too much for me to carry in one trip, two bags to check and two carry ones. On the way back to get the second trip I started crying again. The tears just started flowing and I could do nothing about them. I put my hand on the door and stared into the house one last time. It was like final goodbye as I closed the door and locked it. I walked to the cab, I put my stuff in first and I was about to get in also when I heard something to my left. I looked up and everything went in slow motion.

Hirmura

Hirmura was running, his breathes were coming in big huffs of air and I could tell he was pushing himself to his max. Why? Why was he here? What more humiliation and shame did he want to put me through? The pain ripped at my chest like a mad beast reminding me why I was doing this in the first place, the tears flowed down my face like rain falling from the sky. With one last look at the only thing I ever wanted, I got in the taxi and we drove away.

I didn't look back, no matter what I wanted to do, I didn't look back

**Please R and R**

**If anyone has any advice or questions feel free to contact me.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 -**

The taxi ride wasn't so bad but I couldn't stop myself from crying. I got a lot of weird looks from the driver but he didn't say anything. I was thankful; I didn't think I could handle a bunch of questions right now. I would probably break down and say that I wanted to go back. No, I had to be strong. All this would be for nothing if I decided to go back now.

As much as my heart begged me to go back I couldn't handle just being someone looking in. I couldn't handle not being someone special to Hiruma. I couldn't handle having to watch as Hiruma went through his life without me. Oh god how I wish I could. I wish I could be happy just being next to him, being his star running back, being his friend...well sort of.

I would wish for a lot of things if I had the chance.

The taxi driver was so sweet as he took my stuff to the post office and sent it off. I couldn't go in because I couldn't stop crying. I knew that I needed to get myself together but I just couldn't. In the next ten minutes I managed to stop the flowing tears so that when we pulled into the airport I could get out without feeling completely like crap. As I was getting out of the cab the taxi driver turned around to me and gave me a look that I couldn't quite understand

"Hey kid, I don't know what you're going through but just be true to yourself and know that everything's going to get better eventually"

He turned back around and tears spring to my eyes again. I had to fight the urge to not let them slide my cheeks as I watched the cab drive away. I trudged my way into the airport. I stood in the freaky long lines in a daze. It was like I was in a tunnel, everything was like white noise, and I couldn't hear a thing. I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to see anything because of blurry eyes if I didn't feel so numb. I had to wait a little before we were called to board. As we were waiting in line the reality of the situation hit me full force.

I would never see Hiruma again

I knew it was stupid to be thinking that now, I should be prepared for this and yet I'm not. God, I'm pathetic. I told myself I would deal with the consequences of my decision and yet it wasn't like I had to get on that plane. No, I didn't have to get on the plane, I didn't have to leave, and I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do. I could go back to my cozy life and pretend everything was okay. I would face the anger and disgust of my teammate but at least I could see hiruma. I wouldn't have to go without him. I could turn back and go home.

No, I couldn't do it. I made the right decision. No matter what happened or how much pain and agony that I had to go through it was just as the taxi driver said, even if I couldn't see Hiruma again, even if I cried my eyes out every day and it hurt so much that I felt like I couldn't go on anymore, I would be true to myself and everything would get better. I would forget eventually.

It was for the best.

With only one tear to slide down my face I handed the girl my ticket and boarded the plane

**Please R and R**

**Sorry I'm so late in updating and that's this chapters so short (though it kind of had to be, to be dramatic)**

**As always thank you do those that are following this story and/or reviewing. It makes my day brighter to know someone likes my story. : D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 - **

**Please read the Authors note at the bottom. On another note this is my favorite chapter so I hope everyone likes it.**

Six months

It had been Six months since I came to this new world. It was completely different then what I expected and to be honest I had been so busy that I didn't have a chance to even think about anything. The first thing that happened when I got here was Aunt Mary threw away all of my stuff, to say I was shocked would be an understatement. She said that my clothes were 'not fit for someone in high society.' also that she would not be associated with a ' under privileged, unfashionable, hoodlum.

She bought me all new clothes and taught me proper edict so that I would never embarrass her if I was ever in the same room as her. Her rules were strict and it took me forever to be comfortable with it. I was always with people, there were a lot of servants and at points in time it could become suffocating. Sometimes all I wanted was to be alone. Though I say I hated it I really didn't, it stopped me from crying all day. It was okay because it stopped me from doing something that couldn't be undone

It was hard but it was worth it if I didn't have to be alone.

The house was huge, it took a lot to get use to the shear amount of room there was. I'm sure I would never have made it out of the house if there weren't so many servants. I'm sure I amused them a lot with my ability to get lost. I heard them chuckling at me when I wasn't looking. I wasn't sure if it was hurtful laughter or just good humor. I would guess a little of both. I felt like I was choking on the newness of everything.

It was hard but worth it if I didn't have to stay at that other house.

The second thing that she did was to in rule me in pear blossom private school for the rich and famous. That was an even bigger change than anything else. It was like taking my old school and turning everyone into snobby, bratty bullies that had a lot of money that they could do whatever with. They were also a lot meaner, if that was possible.

I learned real quickly the first week that it's better to keep your head down and mouth shut. If you didn't it was like tying your own noose or putting a big red target on your back.

It was hard but it was better than being at my old school.

There were a couple of nice people that didn't have really bad entitlement complexes. They talked to me and helped me up after I had been through another round with the bratty rich kids. They were mostly cowards; they always ran away right after because they didn't want targets on their backs also. I didn't mind, I was just happy that they helped me out for those moments. I was fine with it, I didn't need friends

It was hard but it was much better than being with my old friends.

They had a football team too. They were really good, they had almost won the champions last year but were beat out by another school in the end. It was still impressive. There was a lot of really, really good players. I loved watching them play, it was nothing like I could ever imagine. They were all built like trees with strong, board shoulders and personalities that could turn milk sour.

When I asked if I could join I was laughed at and mocked for weeks, even now they still joke about it. I was caught watching them play and labeled a fag which caused me to be avoided and targeted even more then I was before. I lost any sort of friends I could have been making. I was okay with it because what real talent did I have to start with.

It was hard but it was better than being on my old football team.

Being labeled a fag, believe it or not, was not the worst thing. Sure there was a lot of name calling and people throwing things at me. I was cornered more than once and beaten into the ground by so called homophobes and righteous christens that would scream out how unholy and damned I was. It wasn't all too bad, I would say that the worst was when I would walk past a group of girls/boys, it didn't really matter, and I would hear them snickering. I could almost feel as their fingers would point and their mouths form the words 'yea, that's him. Isn't he disgusting,' but really it didn't matter because they weren't saying anything I hadn't already told myself.

There were some ups to. I got a lot of boys that came up and asked me for a round or if I wanted to date them. Some pretty and some not so pretty, but I didn't really matter much to me. I always said no, some of the boys would get angry and come after me. Screaming how happy I should be that an ugly duckling like me could get someone like them.

It was hard but it was a lot better than being in the closet and always being afraid someone would find out

There were a lot of beautiful people here. Every type of beauty could be found, every type of personality could be found. Money, power, and a hierarchy of the students made for an interesting group. There were so many people that one could easily get swept up in the love that supposable felt like walking on cloud. If you were high enough in the food chain you could almost have your pick of whoever you wanted.

There were a lot of blondes

About 1/3 of the beautiful boys where blonde and about 1/4 of those blondes had green eyes. Out of the blondes with green eyes about half of them were evil and had personalities that could make the devil cry. I could easily forget everything else and devote all I had to one of these boys. I probably wouldn't be able to get any of them to fall for me but I had better chances here then at my old school.

It was hard but it was better than being with Hiruma.

All in all, this place was the best. I couldn't even begin to want to go back to everything. I was happy. I was so happy, I was dancing on rainbows. I couldn't lie, I still had nightmares every night and everything I ate, if I could eat, tasted like cardboard. Whenever I was alone my eyes would fill with tears faster than you could snap your fingers. I wouldn't lie, for every second of every minute of every day I thought about Hiruma. I thought about if I would ever see him again, I thought about if he ever thought of me, I thought about if he even noticed I was gone.

No, he probably didn't but that didn't make it hurt less to know the answer. It hurt like a hundred thousand knifes to the heart, it hurt like there was a burning sun scorching me from the inside out. I hadn't forgotten and the pain had only gotten worse. I only wanted one thing; why god did you make it something so unreachable.

My rainbow never stopped, because there was no pot of gold at the end. The leprechaun had already taken it leaving only the booming sound of his sinister laughter as proof that he had been there. He had the right to laugh; he had the right to laugh at the poor, pathetic excuse of a human dancing for gold that was already gone.

It didn't matter though, because I was happy

Getting up in the morning was the hardest for me. I had to get up at 5:30 so I could take a shower and then get to school on time. Despite everything that made this school sound like so much 'fun', I really liked this school. The work was harder but I kind of liked studying. The teachers were really cool and they seemed to like me. At least I hoped they did because I liked them.

Once I was ready for school I began the walk. I wasn't too far but I gave me enough time to mentally and physically prepare myself for the beating that I was sure to get. I didn't mind thought; at least they were giving me attention instead of just ignoring me or making me a gopher. I really hated doing that at my old school. Funny, I say that but if they asked me to I would be on it faster than you could blink.

I really was pathetic. I looked up quickly and then back down at what I saw. They were waiting for me. There were 4 boys standing next to the entering gates waiting for me, when they had a bad day they would come for me so that they could feel better about themselves. I understood. I kept my eyes down; four sets of feet came into my eye sight making me stop. I slowly looked up into their evil smirking faces and gleaming eyes. Something flashed on the head guy face and I wonder if it was because of something he saw on mine. These wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for him. Not because of something he did in specific but because of his looks.

Blonde hair, green eyes, and a personality that would make Hitler turn in fear.

I wonder what I looked like, I hadn't looked in the mirror sense I left. Whatever it was he got over it because his face was back in that horrible scowl that I knew so well. The first hit didn't come as much of a surprise nor did the name calling. To be honest I was way past being able to feel anything physically or mentally. My body was already damaged to an unrecognizable amount that any more wouldn't change anything or make it hurt more. Mentally... I had already become numb.

I had already lost everything.

I couldn't tell you how long it was or how many hits it was before the final guy spat on me, said a few choice names and walked away. I had been in and out of conciseness the whole time. I watched their backs as they walked away. I couldn't breathe and wondered if maybe my ribs were broken. I wondered if I lay there long enough would I die from suffocation.

Would I want to?

Yes, yes I would. It was simple answer but it surprised me by how truthful it was, by how much I wanted it. Maybe it was because I was a teenager and everything but I really felt like I couldn't live any more. What was there to live for? I was just being a burden, a pathetic excuse of a human being that was because everyone trouble by breathing the same air as them.

I pulled myself up from the ground and walked into the hell I call school. I didn't even bother with the nurse, I knew from experience that if anyone found out that the beating that came after was 10 times worse than all the beatings put together. I headed for the bathrooms not caring that I would be late for homeroom. The teacher for that class was probably use to me not being there. I wonder if he ever suspected something was up or if he thought I was a rebel. I didn't care.

Once in the bathroom I began to wash the blood off my arms from where the bullies' shoes ripped open the skin. After that I pulled out the bandages that I had become accustom to caring with me everywhere. Pulling up my shirt, I wasn't surprised by the sight that greeted me. My stomach, chest and all the way past where my pants came to was completely black. I wasn't horrified; I was far past that at this point and way to use to it. My eyes slowly traveled up to my face.

Dead eyes

That was the first thing that I saw. Terrifying, lifeless, uncaring, dead eyes stared back at me. Ghostly pale skin stretched over bone, marred with blacks, purples, and yellows. Flat, dull, messy hair that really needed a cut, covered part of my face. Stick figure arms held up my shirt that looked too heavy for them to hold and my chest looked caved in. I felt something wet on my face and my eyes shot up to look.

I was crying

I couldn't make it stop. Sounds started to come from my mouth as if I was someone else. Every emotion that I had been fighting came back full force. I wanted Hiruma, I hadn't forgotten in the slightest and all I wanted was him.

I couldn't do it anymore. My hands dropped my shirt to come to my face and cover it. My sobs got lauder and lauder but I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't do it anymore. No matter what I tried to do or tried to think there was no life without Hiruma. I couldn't, no I didn't want to live without Hiruma. I hated this place; I wanted to go back to him. I wanted to go back to the way it was before.

I wanted to be in that club house just sitting with him, listening to him clicking on his computer

I wanted him to call me chibi or Eyeshield or brat or anything again

I wanted to be on the team and see the pride in his eyes when I break my own record or when we win a competition

I wanted him to smile that beautiful smirk and tell me with that confidence 'see, my plans always work out'

I wanted Hiruma.

I cried and I cried not caring about anything or anybody. They could do anything to me because nothing would ever hurt more than this does. Why couldn't those bullies just get it over with and kill me. I know they want to, why won't they. Why is everything that I want get taken away. Why is it always so close but yet so far?

A pair of arms wrapped around me but I didn't care. Maybe they would give me what I wanted, would they take pity on me. I turned to whoever it was, I couldn't see. The tears in my eyes made everything look blurry. I grabbed onto him like a life line, please god grant my wish just this once. The edges of my vision were beginning to black out and I could see spots

"Please" I begged the stranger "Kill me"

**I hate author's notes but please just stay with me. I want to apologies to everyone that wanted more Hiruma and Sena time, especially mamit, and those that wanted Hiruma to be on the plane. Though it will be a couple more chapters before Hiruma comes back I do promise that there will be more Hiruma/Sena action later.**

**A Side note as to why Hiruma wasn't on the plane was because he's just as confused as Sena is right now. He doesn't understand why Sena ran away and what he should do about it.**

**As always thank you for all your reviews and if anyone has any feedback (good or bad or questions) please feel free to pm me. : )**


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